What I Am Now And What I Once Was
I have been many things and I am many things now, but there is a thread of truth that has been woven through my life, from long before the beginning to way beyond the end.
I have a long treasured dream of going to sleep for a hundred years in a perfectly safe, secluded room. There I sink into the most deliciously comfortable bed, on the softest warm sheets with fat feather pillows and blankets of light.
I am watching myself dream a million billion dreams, cocooned in the gentlest love of sleep and my whole self is cleansed and rejuvenated by the energy of the oceans that I drift on. My boat sails calm blue waters on the breeze that blows through the just open window. All imaginings, memories and emotions are washed and washed until they are pure colour. Lava lamp orbs that float through my body on the sea of consciousness. My limbs glide softly over the sheets as I dance the gentle dance of sleep. I am with everyone and no-one.
When I imagine this sleep, I could cry tears of joy or longing at the thought, but I know that if I was really there, no tears would fall. Deep happiness, joy and present-moment sensuality would be all.
I remember a time when I was two years old and I was standing in my cot in the early morning waiting for someone to get me up. I was so deeply happy and purely peaceful. Everything was orange and my eyes were full of laughter. I can hear singing, but whether it was me or the birds in the garden, I am not sure. There I stand, holding on to the edge of my cot with the squashy bounce of the mattress beneath my feet, in that glorious moment between rich anticipation and the perfection of the present. I am completely sure of the joy I will feel and the love I will be given when someone comes in and lifts me up, and of the joy and love that already pulse through my being and through the whole room as I wait.
My bed of a hundred years is just the same. One day I will wake up and life will be as sensuous, sparkling and true as my dreams. My whole physiology will be washed completely by the bed and the sleep. One day I will wake up and do great things, but this bed is the bliss, so one hundred years, all the time in the world, is the sweetest bliss of all.
Panther In The Hillside, oil on canvas, 24 x 24 inches. Original painting and limited edition prints available from my shop....http://www.louisekellyart.co.uk/new-products-1/